Unemployment, Day 389

Maintenance

2010-03-18T14:09:00.000-07:00

I have done my research. After "reading"every Playmate of the Month's turn-ons, I discovered only 1 mentions "baby yetis".

Based on these statistics, I made the decision to tend my forest twice a week. If any Playmates read this please let me know that I am not wasting 10 hours a week. Thank you.

-Kyle "Cheeky Monkey"

Planning a Meal

2010-03-16T12:00:00.000-07:00

I have become the MacGyver of recipies. A jar of pickles, a stick of butter, guacamole mix, and a packet of hickory smoked tuna... dinner for one!

Honestly, the best advice I can give anyone with limited grocery money, make soup. You can never go wrong with soup. Ever. Never ever. Eight cans of vegetables and 2 bullion cubes can feed you for days.

-Kyle "Brigadoon"

Getting Some Work Done

2010-02-11T06:36:00.000-08:00

Behold the misery of unsuccessful job-hunting. Even if you find something, there's a bajillion (real number) other people applying.

I hear this small rumor that the economy isn't doing as well as it used to. Have you heard this? That's crazy! I just thought I was under-qualified to work at Target and that's why I didn't hear back from them.

But on a serious note folks, this picture sums up how it feels at the end of the day, plus some drool or tears.

- Kyle "El Chalupa"

Saving Grocery Money

2010-02-09T16:42:00.000-08:00

Before you judge me, hear me out. If I eat like a dog, maybe I will gain some of their powers. See list below.

1.) Ability to lick myself
2.) Ability to make people pick up my poo
3.) Ability to sleep all day and not feel guilty about it
4.) Ability to hump anything and not feel guilty about it

I could go on, but I have done a good job keeping these posts short, concise, and somewhat humorous. I would like to keep it that way.

- Kyle "Jumanji"

My Beloved

2010-02-08T10:03:00.001-08:00

This is not my most clever idea, but look at the sweet photoediting job... her luscious red lips. So pouty. So smooth. So soft. So red. So creepy.

-Kyle "The Swordfish"

Checking Finances

2010-02-04T14:08:00.000-08:00

Why should I trust the financial institutions of America when I have a safe and secure coffee (espresso roast) can? There may be no interest earned, but I purposely forgot to clean it so every time I check my finances or make a withdrawal I get rewarded with the glorious scent of coffee. I would take that over 'free' money any day.

-Kyle "Kangaroo Jack"

Exercising

2010-02-03T10:37:00.000-08:00

I would like to direct your attention to the motion blurs that were once my hands. That is some intense calorie burning. Just out of frame is a large water bottle and a sopping wet sweat rag, I swear.

This is my Monday session, which entails 30 minutes of Lego Indiana Jones, 30 minutes of Ghostbusters, and a cool down session of Super Mario Bros. Wii. My personal favorite workout is Friday. 45 minutes of Beatles Rockband, 20 minutes of Mario Kart, and as much Call of Duty as I can handle.

I am very disciplined.

-Kyle "Peanut Butter and Fluff"

Energizing

2010-02-02T10:04:00.000-08:00

This picture isn't a humourous take on my coffee drinking. It is pure truthfulnessity. I perfer to cut out the middle man, the coffee cup. I'm going to drink the entire pot anyway, so why should I waste my time walking back and forth to refill several times?

With all these time and money saving ideas, I honestly don't understand why I am still unemployed.

-Kyle "The King of Velcro Shoes"

Breakfast

2010-01-19T13:14:00.001-08:00

I wanted to make a ramen noodle cookbook because I have figured out tens of recipes. However, after 30 seconds of internet research, I discovered that there already exists at least one. Poo.

More importantly, I have a confession to make. This picture is not 100% honest. I usually slice up about 4 hot dogs and toss them in the giant bowl. I apologize and hope you can forgive me for this deception.

-Kyle "The Unbalanced Checkbook"

Alarm Clock

2010-01-19T06:51:00.000-08:00

I have been unemployed for close to 400 days now. Believe it or not, it is not fun anymore.

I'm tired of watching Maury, only being able to afford cheap alcohol, and having not-so-deep philosophical conversations with the dog.

This image is the first of the many that document my 389th day of unemployment. Please enjoy and try not to leave mean comments. Thank you.

-Kyle "The Horseshoe Crab"